The Battle for My Thoughts - Part 1

By Amanda T.

"A penny for your thoughts!" My sister quipped, nudging me as she slid a pot in my sudsy water.

I quickly started scrubbing the pot, bending my head down to hide the red that boiled in my face. "What thoughts?" I muttered, but my sister had already flitted to the dining room to wipe the crumbs off the table.

I had done it again. My eyes had rested on an object outside the window and in my mind I was fashioning a scene. Unconsciously, my sister had probed into a struggle I was having. She did it merely for fun - she was simply quoting a line from a book she had recently read.

Photograph by Amanda T.

As soon as the last dish was put away, I hurried to my room and swung the door shut. With my back resting on the door, I looked up at the ceiling.

"Why? Why am I still struggling? I'm supposed to be over this now! I've worked so hard but I'm still struggling! God, I don't know what to do next!" My jaws clenched and my fists doubled up. It seemed like I was fighting against an invisible enemy within myself.

"My thoughts aren't worth a penny." I moaned. How ashamed I would be to admit to my sister what I was really thinking! And yet . . . I slid to the floor and hid my face in my knees. God knew what I was thinking! If I was ashamed to let my younger sister know my thoughts, how much more ashamed should I be that God was looking down and seeing every detail of my thoughts!

"Lord, I give up! It's too hard! No one tries to keep their thoughts pure! It's such a bother! How am I supposed to know what You want me to do about them? Or do You even want me to do anything about them?" I caught my breath and slowly raised my head guiltily. There was no reason for me to complain about my problem as if I were in the dark because I knew where to find the answer to all of life's problems - no matter how small.

With a deep breath, I stood up and reached for my Bible then hastily pulled out the drawer where I kept my neglected concordance.

"Okay," I breathed decidedly, "What do You say about our thoughts?" I thumbed through the pages of the concordance until I reached "th." My eyes quickly scanned page after page until thoughts glared up at me. I grabbed a notebook and pen and settled on my bed.

. . .  To Be Continued Tomorrow . . .

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